The Street Fighter (imdb)
First a bit of background on how I saw this: there’s a new screening room in Greenville called West End Movies, where they screen “classics” for $3 a pop, coupled with a cartoon and “topical newsreel”. I got there just as the show was about to start, meaning that unless the info concerning future screenings is what they consider a “topical newsreel”, I missed that part. The cartoon ended up being a machinima made with World of Warcraft characters dancing to the extremely-overdone “Numa Numa Dance”. I have yet to see anything considered machinima that was anything but a waste of time, and this was no different.

Sonny Chiba is probably best-known to most outside of the realm of cult cinema for his cameo in Kill Bill despite the fact that he was a pretty big star in Japanese cinema and starred in all kinds of movies of wildly varying quality. The Street Fighter is fairly nonsensial plotwise, with the story mostly existing in order to get Sonny Chiba’s character from A to B to C with a number of fights in between. What stands out the most with the film is that cartoonish level of violence, which means that bad guys don’t just die, they’ll get their skulls cracked, fall to their death and end up lying in a requisite pool of brighly-colored blood, or even get their testicles ripped off. Probably the most refreshing part of the film apart from the violence is how nihilistic it all is, as Chiba’s Terry is far from a noble protagonist. The Street Fighter isn’t a great movie, but some of the outlandish violence may have been responsible for the even more insane violence in later entertainment like The Fist of the North Star and Riki-Oh, in which case its’ inspiration may be of more importance than the film taken at face value.

Back to the technical aspects, I wasn’t very impressed with the setup at West End Movies thus far. I wondered before I went whether or not they were showing DVDs or if they had actually tracked down prints for the films they were going to be showing (unlikely, but some of these are considered public domain). The Street Fighter was presented on DVD, but the DVD they used was from VCI, who aren’t exactly known for their stellar presentations, and I’m sure a more recent (and dirt cheap) BCI grindhouse double feature disc would have looked a lot better. This is assuming, of course, that things were properly set up. The overall image on everything shown was pretty blurry and looked as though the equipment hadn’t been set up properly or they weren’t even using a component or HDMI connection. The sound was also pretty muddy. The film was plenty loud in certain parts, but the dialogue was buried and hard to make out, though that problem may originate with the DVD used for the screening.

Who Can Kill A Child? (imdb)
I’ve wanted to see this since I first heard of it shortly before the DVD release, but only recently got around to actually watching it. The film starts out with an extremely heavy-handed documentary-style introduction that focuses on war and how many children have died in then-recent conflicts. This segment is pretty pointless and serves more as a distraction than an introduction. Then we get to the meat of the story, which concerns a British couple on holiday in Spain who decide to retreat to a small, sparsely inhabited island for the duration of their stay. From the moment they land, it’s apparent that something isn’t right, and there’s no one on the island save for the occasional creepy child. It’s a pretty slow film overall, and contains pretty minimal violence, though they do play up several scenes late in the movie for maximum impact. Overall, it’s fairly dull, which is a damning charge for a so-called “killer kid” movie, though the ending somewhat redeems a very slow start. The cinematography is pretty excellent in several spots, but that’s not enough to recommend it to any but those with more than a passing interest in eurocult cinema. As an aside, the wife in the movie is almost scarier than the children. I’ve never seen someone look more like a personification of skin cancer.

The Midnight Meat Train (imdb)
Perhaps the only thing more annoying than having read the book or story a film is based on before seeing it is having read it and only half-remembering it, leading to instances of thinking this or that is going to happen or that certain aspects weren’t present in the original work, but never being sure. That’s the situation I found myself in with this one. Ultimately, Midnight Meat Train is neither good nor bad, instead dwelling in the realm of mediocrity. There’s plentiful gore, and Vinnie Jones is great as the antagonist, but the main pitfalls of most modern horror also plagues MMT, and that’s a vanilla protagonist and a tenuous love story. It’s worth a watch if you’re a fan of the director or Clive Barker, but as a decided non-fan in general of the new breed of largely made-for-teens “Lionsgate horror”, I doubt it will do much for anyone else.

Edmond (imdb)
There’s been somewhat of a trend lately for directors who cut their teeth on mostly genre fare to begin working outside the confines of what had up until that point defined their career. David Cronenberg is perhaps the most noted example of this, what with his recent fixation on crime, but Stuart Gordon makes a pretty decisive turn away from the horror films and Lovecraft adaptations he’s been known for with Edmond. The synopsis provided on the back of the case is at first frustratingly vague, but once you’ve seen the film, you realize it would be hard to say much more about the film without turning away more potential viewers than you would likely draw in. The plot centers around Edmond (William H. Macy), an businessman who has just left his wife and begins a series of horrendously unsuccessful ventures into New York City’s underworld and reaps what he sows when things quickly spiral out of control. The story explores themes of racism, fate, and the downsides of supposed civilization both subtly and with the impact of a fist to the face. Macy holds the film together with a performance that ranges from subdued to frenzied, sometimes changing from one to the other in a matter of seconds. Also appearing are a slew of Gordon’s regulars (both new and old) like George Wendt, Mena Suvari, and Jeffrey Combs, who I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t initially recognize. While I’m hesitant to say that Edmond is as good as Cronenberg’s History of Violence or Eastern Promises, it is a fascinating film that more than equals the sum of its parts.

Gumby: The Movie (imdb)
I vaguely remember liking Gumby when he made a minor comeback in the mid-90s, but what I’ve seen lately makes me appreciate Art Clokey’s ‘little clay boy’ even more. More than any other childrens character I can name, Gumby and the world he inhabits is surreal, and in such a way that it’s hard to say that the creators are even aware of the eccentricity of their creation. Gumby: The Movie (or “Gumby 1” as it’s referred to onscreen) apparently had the misfortune of coming out around the same time as Toy Story, and while the Clokey’s clay creations have endured decades and entertained millions, it seems safe to say that pretty much everyone going up against the massive might of Disney’s marketing has found themselves lingering in the shadow of the Mouse. It’s a real shame with Gumby, because it’s quirky and imaginative enough to keep even the most ADD-afflicted brat interested for its roughly 80-minute runtime. The plot sounds like some sort of LSD dream, and for all I know it may well have been. When Gumby and his band the Clayboys play, Gumby’s dog Lowbelly cries and his tears turn into pearls. When Gumby’s nemeses the Blockheads figure this out, they kidnap Lowbelly, creating a robot replica which they return to an unsuspecting Gumby. From there we get a robot replica of Gumby and his band and all sorts of weirdness that culminates in a Farm Aid-style benefit concert. It’s a very strange concoction that never goes where it’s expected to and never second-guesses itself. The music used in the film is rather odd for kid’s movie, as it’s largely comprised of the progressive guitar rock you might hear being played poorly by some nerd at Guitar Center on a Saturday afternoon, and the songs with vocals are cheesy in a “how did they let this out of the studio?” kind of way. To top it all off, at the end of the credits, the film is dedicated to Sri Sathya Sai Baba, an controversial Indian guru probably best known to the Western world for the Nag Champa incense bearing his name. It’s a wild experience that’s immensely enjoyable so long as your tolerance for strangeness is fairly high.

Rambo: First Blood Part II (imdb)
As far as sequels go in action franchises, Rambo II (as I’ll refer to it for clarity’s sake) is a pretty damn good one. One of the greatest strengths of the First Blood/Rambo series, and all great action movies in general, is that they don’t fuck around with pacing by dragging out unnecessary subplots, love interests, or melodrama. There’s a split-second where you think a romance is about to bud, but a second later it’s cut down in a hail of bullets, serving as a fuel to John Rambo’s raging inferno of vengeance. The jungle setting isn’t too far removed from the backwoods in First Blood, but the POW rescue story is sufficient enough for an action film, and as always in this series, the action scenes and over the top (sorry, second time I’ve made that joke) violence is just as satisfying. You’ve gotta love Rambo’s (Rambow’s?) explosive arrows, especially the overkill of shooting one at a single enemy. Overall an enjoyable action film that doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Rambo III (imdb)
Finally dropping the First Blood title altogether, the third film is where the series starts to sag a little, but remains an above-average action flick that is very much a product of its time and a bit in debt to its peers. The presence of the kid really didn’t serve a purpose other than justifying Trautman’s last line about he and Rambo softening up a bit, and reminded me a bit of Short Round from the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. The storyline is probably a tad more interesting in retrospect than it may have been at the time, what with America’s present tumultuous relationship with Afghanistan and the Middle East in general. As a product of the Cold War, the Soviets are cartoonish, and there are off-hand and nonsensical allusions to Lenin (a picture in the bunker) and Rasputin (a random order barked by the Soviet commander). Honestly, I’m a tad surprised they didn’t squeeze a vodka joke in there somewhere. The film is certainly action-packed, but the action sequences don’t pack quite the punch they did in the slower-paced original or the amped-up sequel, leaving you a bit detached from the proceedings a lot of the time. It’s sort of funny to see that the film was dedicated to the “gallant” people of Afghanistan right before the credits rolled, which seems more like giving the Russians the finger than commending the Afghans, more of a ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ sentiment than genuine admiration.

The Willies (imdb)
I first saw The Willies in my early teenage years during a lazy summer filled with horror movies thanks to the “5-5-5” deal (5 movies, 5 days, 5 dollars) at a local video store within walking distance from a friend’s house. The movie is essentially Tales From the Crypt for kids, but it has a darker vibe than I can remember either Are You Afraid of the Dark? or Goosebumps ever having. The acting is largely terrible, but to expect anything else from this kind of movie is pretty foolish. Those of us who grew up in the late 80s/early 90s will recognize a few faces, particular Sean “Rudy” Astin and Michael “Donkeylips” Bower, the former playing one of the tellers of the tales and the latter playing a real asshole in the last segment. The movie starts off with a few short filler stories before the title comes up and the real stories get under way. The first is the tale of a monster in the guise of a school janitor who eats bullies and other shitty kids, as well as the occasional “sourpuss” teacher. The latter tale takes up the majority of the runtime and is really pretty damn weird for kids entertainment. Gordy Belcher is a fat, friendless fuck who remains so due entirely to his own weird obsessions and behavior. An avid collector of flies who catches them and places them in relatively elaborate dioramas (flyoramas?) when he’s not mooching super-fertilizer from the local nutcase farmer or tricking other kids into eating fly-filled cookies, Gordy’s perhaps the most unsympathetic main character I can remember in entertainment made for kids, a fact that adds tremendously to the film’s eccentricity. The Willies is essentially a pure nostalgia watch that will probably only be of interest otherwise if you’re incredibly bored. There’s a short Growing Pains clip featuring Kirk Cameron in the Gordy Belcher segment that was made especially for the movie, and while this helps to further date the movie, it’s a hell of a lot more entertaining than Kirk’s last decade or so spent attempting to discredit evolution by citing how well a banana fits in the human hand.

Cocaine Cowboys (imdb)
I’ve heard nothing but raves about this one, but given the recent rash of “thugumentaries” on the market, and the questionable quality and motives of such entertainment, I was hesitant to even consider this one. Now that I’ve watched it, I’ll have to admit that it’s a pretty entertaining doc that capably captures a brief but extravagant and violent moment in time. That said, I wasn’t very impressed with how it flows. The first hour of the film is largely comprised of interviews with cocaine smugglers Jon Roberts and Mickey Munday, who made the most of a new and untapped market. This part is fascinating, as it details their operations, the technology used, and some amusing anecdotes about their experiences during a now-legendary era. After the first hour, the focus shifts to the so-called Godmother Griselda Blanco, a kingpin-esque woman known for her cruel streak and having a hand in seemingly all of the cocaine operations at the time. Jon and Mickey are still interviewed when the focus shifts, but the bulk of the interviews at this point are supplied by Rivi, an enforcer for Griselda. I guess my main bitch is that it feels like two movies worth of material, or possibly even a miniseries. It’s no surprise then, that the sequel (which I’ve mostly heard to be pretty crappy) focuses mostly on Griselda. Credit has to be given for hiring Jan Hammer to provide the score, and while the music here isn’t as memorable as the tracks he produced for for Miami Vice, it’s at the very least a well-meaning wink and nod to the knowing audience.

Puzzlehead (imdb)
A low-budget, dystopian take on the Frankenstein story with a twist, Puzzlehead isn’t a great movie, but given a soft spot for the genre, it’s a pretty good one. When Walter builds a robotic humanoid based on maps of his own brain, he has no idea that jealousy over a crush-turned-obsession will soon pit the two against each other. Walter’s main use for Puzzlehead is running errands and doing chores, but when Puzzlehead defends a sheepish grocery clerk when a customer attempts to rob her, Walter begins to covet the affection she feels for Puzzlehead as a result. The film is a little slow in parts, and there are a few quiet scenes that could have benefited from a more prominent score, but it remains a good film despite these nitpicks. I’m always impressed when a movie features a very small cast and still manages to stay interesting, and Puzzlehead is mostly a success as far as that goes, although both Walter and Julia’s background could have been fleshed out a bit more. If you’ve got the patience and an appreciation for true independent film, Puzzlehead is worth your time.

Cool Air (imdb)
H.P. Lovecraft adaptations aren’t nearly as sparse or deserving of hype as a lot of Lovecraft fans might have you believe, but the good and worthy adaptations are few and far between. There has been quite a resurgence of interest lately thanks mostly to Lurker Films and the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, whose The Call of Cthulhu is both a worthy adaptation and an homage to the silent film era that Lovecraft himself would have been familiar with. Cool Air doesn’t seem to be one of Lovecraft’s better-known works, largely because it doesn’t contain much in the way of references to his beloved mythos, but it’s still a strong and creepy story and film. The story centers around a young writer (who we’re not so subtly led to believe is Lovecraft himself) and his relationship with the mysterious doctor upstairs, who always keeps his room at a nice, chilly temperature, hence the title. While much of Lovecraft’s work is rooted in a sense of wonder and a reverence for the unknown, Cool Air is actually pretty life-affirming for a horror piece. The production values and acting are very good for a low-budget film, and the featurette on the making of the film is both informative and interesting.

Castle of Cagliostro (imdb)
I remember first coming across Lupin III back when Adult Swim was still fairly new. I wasn’t hooked on the series, but I thought it was pretty charming and always watched it if I ran across it flipping channels. It was a short while later that I saw my first few Hayao Miyazaki films (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and The Castle in the Sky), and a short while later still that I discovered that the paths of Lupin and Miyazaki had crossed and resulted in a feature film considered to be a classic anime film. The Castle of Cagliostro is a great film that combines the smart-alec and savvy cool of Lupin’s world with the fantastical whimsy of Miyazaki, as Lupin attempts to rescue a mysterious princess from an unwanted marriage at the hands of a counterfeiting count. If you’ve enjoyed Lupin’s adventures before, this is a fine continuation, but even if you’ve never experienced the hijinks of the world’s greatest thief, this is as good a place to start as any.

First Blood (imdb)
I’ve seen bits and pieces of the Rambo movies, but I’ve never sat down and watched one from start to finish, so this marks my attempt to watch the whole shebang. First Blood is a damn good action film by any standards, and stands tall as one of the highlights of the 80’s action boom that made household names out of several musclebound actors who really aren’t all that great as actors. That’s easily the biggest downfall of First Blood: Sylvester Stallone has no emotional depth as an actor unless he’s just had the shit beat out of him and/or beat the shit out of someone else to the point that his mush-mouthed warble can pass as a display of emotion. Easily the worst scene of First Blood is Stallone’s breakdown at the end, which is more likely to inspire a sigh than sympathy. But that aside, the action sequences are excellent and the story is appropriately “over the top”, making it a great experience for action fans. There’s an incredibly lame DVD feature that lets you view certain scenes through some sort of glorified “Rambo-vision” that completely and totally sucks. An overlay props up and gives you computer-readout types of information on distances, potential dangers, and enemies. It’s incredibly retarded on its own, but when you imagine that the folks who developed this patent-pending claptrap were actually able to convince Lionsgate that it was good enough to include on the DVD release, it becomes mind-bogglingly absurd.

Super Inframan (imdb)
I’m a total sucker for so-called “tokusatsu” or Japanese “special effects” series (Ultraman in particular) and related kaiju entertainment, and have more than a passing interest in kung-fu, so combining the two in a brightly-colored, fight-filled 90-minute movie feels like Saturday morning all over again. When alien invaders attempt to take over Earth, it’s up to Rayma to undergo a transformation into Super Inframan in order to save the day and kick lots of alien ass doing it. The story is essentially your average tokusatsu plotline stretched to the 90-minute mark, but that’s not a bad thing, since there are always new and reasonably interesting monsters showing up to get the hell beat out of them. If you’re not smiling when Super Inframan flies across the screen to delier a “Lethal Kick”, then you’re taking life too seriously. The English dub on the DVD is mono and pretty unimpressive, though I did pick out one choice nugget of dialogue as having been sampled by the camp-influenced space/surf band Man or Astro-Man. Altogether a highly entertaining movie if you’re at all interested in the genre.

The Trials of Henry Kissinger (imdb)
I had no idea this was coming from Netflix, as they’ve been in the bad habit of skipping the first few films in my queue lately (not even high-demand new release stuff) in order to send me irrelevant stuff that’s been lingering in my queue for the two years I’ve been a subscriber. This documentary is based on a book by Christopher Hitchens, and is a pretty dry experience unless you’ve got a hard-on for history. It does present its case backed up with enough facts to lend credence to the damning accusations thrown against a man who has enjoyed a ridiculously large amount of power and celebrity despite some very murky ethics, morals, and justifications for his actions.

Dear Zachary (imdb)
A lot has been written about Dear Zachary, an independent documentary with a slightly unusual means of production, a shocking and heart-wrenching twist, and a bloodied but unbowed finale. Some have said it was snubbed for an Oscar while others claim it’s production values are amateurish and sloppy. I don’t care about Oscars, but even if it is arguably a little rough around the edges in terms of its presentation, the story it tells will hold your attention right to the credits and will probably elicit an emotional response. It’s hard to know what to say about it without spoiling it, so I’m saying as little as possible except that if you’re the crying type, you’ll probably want some tissue.

McCabe & Mrs. Miller (imdb)
Billed as an “anti-Western”, you’d be hard-pressed to argue with that brief but highly accurate descriptor. The film has the nihilistic vibe that runs through a lot of spaghetti Westerns, but when it comes down to it, McCabe isn’t the tough guy he pretends to be, coasting more on charm than machismo. Much has been written about the subtleties used to upend Western conventions, and nearly every example (my favorite being the kid vs. the cowboy on the bridge) works well to that end. The small town built for the film is fantastic, and according to an included documentary it was functional to the point of serving as housing for some of the crew. McCabe & Mrs. Miller is a great film that consistently entertains and never stutters in its pacing.

Don’t Go In the House (imdb)
This is a pretty straight-forward horror movie that borrows a lot from its peers. Unfortunately, it also borrows the slow pacing of a lot of forgotten grindhouse fare, making it feel a bit longer than its 82-minute runtime. The plot’s main reference point seems to have been Psycho, as the killer takes women home and incinerates them as a means of dealing with the voices he hears as the result of his maniacal mother, who he conveniently finds dead at the beginning of the film. It’s a pretty poor premise that ultimately works a little better than you might expect, but unless you’re a horror fan with some time to kill, you might as well see something else.

Baraka (imdb)
Baraka is without a doubt the finest-looking Blu-ray I have ever seen, and it’s going to take one hell of a film to dethrone it. The spiritual successor to Koyaanisqatsi (which I haven’t seen), Baraka is pure, quasi-meditational eye and ear candy that captivates from start to finish despite having no narrative. On paper it sounds rather boring to watch a series of images set to even the most epic soundtrack for an hour and a half, but Baraka disproves that notion with ease. Why electronics stores around the country are showing half-assed demo loops and CG kiddie fare and not Baraka as a demo to sell Blu-ray players and HDTVs is beyond me.

The Road Warrior (imdb)
I don’t remember a lot about Mad Max, despite having only seen it for the first time a couple months ago. I remember thinking it was a decent enough movie, just that it was a bit stronger in concept than it was in execution. This is definitely not the case with the Road Warrior. Very rarely to films come along with such an original look come along that they influence nearly everything in their wake, and like Blade Runner, The Road Warrior is a visual watermark in its genre. But let’s not short-change the story, which represents one of the few times I can remember where a sequel severely outclasses its predecessor. I’ve had a post-apocalyptic story brewing in my head for the past year or so, and there were a few times while watching The Road Warrior that I had to sigh as I realized certain aspects had been claimed or I saw new ones that were brilliant to the point that it’s a wonder they hadn’t been copied more than they already have. This one got my attention and I suspect that a rewatch or two will have this one working its way into the list of my favorite films.

Basket Case (imdb)
Having previously seen director Frank Henenlotter’s Frankenhooker, I sort of knew what to expect going into Basket Case, the film that put him on the map as a B-movie maven. Even when Basket Case is rough around the edges or features some bad acting, it’s excusable because it’s got that genuine low-budget soul so sorely lacking in the era of straight-to-DVD horror and B-movies with no aspirations of even trying to entertain their audience. The effects and gore are good and plentiful, and the stop-motion animation used briefly in a few scenes is always a welcome addition. Fabulously low-brow without falling into the trap of being junk (as so many self-aware B-movies do), Basket Case is a great way to give your brain cells a break and your inner 13-year-old a release.

The Planet of the Apes (imdb) & Beneath the Planet of the Apes (imdb)
I borrowed the Planet of the Apes box set with the intention of watching at least the first film in the franchise. So far I’ve watched the first and second films in the series, a series I’m guessing went on way longer than anyone ever expected it to. The first film is a classic that satisfies both on a the science fiction front, and as a parable about man’s inhumanity and the debate between religion and science. In the latter sense, I’m a tad surprised it wasn’t a bit more controversial, even though the last ten minutes sort of come to a consensus between faith and reason, even if that consensus is as flimsy as Pascal’s Wager.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes is alright, but you can’t help but feel that it’s ultimately little more than a cash run meant to milk the success and acclaim of the original film. You know you’re in for a rocky sequel when they reshow clips from the original film to open things up, but the film actually doesn’t fall apart until the protagonists arrive underground. Once underground, there’s a religious cult that worships a WMD, psychic powers, and one of the sorriest fight scenes I’ve ever witnessed in a big-budget movie. The underground cult plot is way stranger than it needs to be, and not in a good David Cronenberg kind of way. Even without having witnessed the rest of the sequels so far (and the trailer for Escape From the Planet of the Apes looks terrible!), it seems like the writers and producers were far more concerned with quantity than they were with quality.

It’s been a while, so there are more reviews than usual this time around. I also rewatched High Noon and Akira (Blu-ray), but I didn’t write reviews for those. Anyway…

The Invincible Armour (imdb)
One of the better overlooked kung-fu films of the late 70’s, Invincible Armour stands out for several reasons, not the least of which is its inclusion of not one, but two of the stock evil white-haired baddies. The fights are frequent, over-the-top, and imaginative as fight scenes in a movie like this need to be. The movie’s main fault lies in a story that’s a bit more complex than it needs to be, which means that a time or two you’ll get some of the secondary characters confused, particularly the aforementioned white-haired guys. All things considered, if you dig kung-fu movies you’ll have a good time with this one.

The One-Armed Swordsman (imdb)
Like the 36th Chamber of Shaolin, The One-Armed Swordsman stands tall as one of the undisputable classics of the kung-fu genre. Avoiding the sort of camp that later films like Crippled Masters would exploit, OAS takes itself seriously and never plays up its protagonists’ handicap for laughs. After his swordsman father is killed defending his master, the master takes in the newly orphaned Fang Gang and teaches him the ways of kung-fu and swordsmanship. When a set-up by some of Fang’s jealous peers goes awry, Fang finds himself with only one arm, he flees and must relearn how to defend himself. Essentially a story of loyalty and overcoming adversity, the film unfolds at a slower pace than many of its peers, but isn’t any worse for doing so. Beautiful sets, a good story, and plenty of elaborate fight sequences help solidify the film’s place in the kung-fu canon.

Opium & the Kung-Fu Master (imdb)
Who spilled their D.A.R.E. film in my kung-fu flick? While it may not be the best film in the Shaw Bros. canon, Opium is decent enough to carry what might otherwise be a burden in the form of a melodramatic anti-drug message. A drug-addicted kung-fu master must battle his addiction to opium before he can stand a chance of avenging his fallen student and friend’s daughter, who coincidentally were killed by an up-and-coming thug who has just taken over the local opium den. Decided non-fans of kung-fu films probably won’t dig it, but it’s a fairly safe bet for even casual fans.

Deep Red (imdb)
Dario Argento is one of the most beloved horror directors of all-time, but like fellow Italian horror director Lucio Fulci, his works vary in quality from camp to classic and any shade between. Thankfully, Deep Red is more akin to Suspiria (classic) than Inferno (camp…at best). After an American pianist witnesses a murder and becomes a suspect, he searches for clues to unearth the identity of the killer. Like the rest of what I’ve seen from Argento, this one isn’t afraid to dawdle and take its time, but that’s not to say that it gets overly boring like some Euro horror is inclined to do. The ending is pretty cool, even if it does take a page from the Lucio Fulci book, particularly the chapter dealing with over-the-top violence where it’s unnecessary.

Religulous (imdb)
Even as an ordained professor of bad puns, Religulous is a pretty shitty title. With that out of the way, the movie has its parts, but like Jesus Camp before it, it just seems like it could have accomplished so much more. Where Jesus Camp refused to condone the ignorance and child brainwashing it chronicled, Religulous has Bill Maher lining up to shoot fish in a barrel for the most part. As an Agnostic, I’m no fan of religion and like Maher feel that it largely has a detrimental impact on modern society. In the interviews and segments that Religulous is at its most effective, it’s pointing out the essential logical disconnects that have to be in place for faith to exist, even among otherwise very intelligent and rational people. A good bit of the runtime, however, is spent on exploitative and scummy evangelists, attention-seekers, and other no-goodniks, and while they have become key figures in religion, they’re not the best targets to go after if you’re looking to cripple or cast doubt on the common man’s faith. Ultimately, Religulous rests firmly in purgatory, as it’s neither the scathing attack on populist faith it could have been nor a noble failure. One other thing: is it just me or did the guy being interviewed in the gift store with the extremely low criteria for miracles remind anyone else of sidekick Mike from American Movie?

Visitor Q (imdb)
Well, the race for the worst movie I’ve seen all year has attracted another contender. I’ve long suspected Takashi Miike to be one of the most overrated directors to attract a cult following, and this does nothing to dismantle that prejudice. Supposedly Visitor Q is a satire on reality television, but in reality it seems like Japanese John Waters (minus the charm) three decades after the fact. There’s incest, necrophilia, scat, abuse, and lactation galore, but what isn’t present is a reason to watch this movie. The boards at IMDB are full of idiots (no surprise there!) claiming this is a metaphor for that and so forth, all in some desperate and pretentious scramble to attach meaning to a shock show. I’m not buying it, Miike sucks.

Singapore Sling (imdb)
This is definitely the strangest movie I’ve seen so far this year. It reminded me a bit of Guy Maddin’s Tales From the Gimli Hospital, and while both are highly unique, seemingly-nonsensical surreal black and white allegories for something or other, neither makes for a very interesting film if narrative is what you’re after. A detective searching for a lost love ends up in the grasp of a very twisted mother and daughter who take him in, torture him, and subject him to a lot of gross shit and dry-humping. The mother and daughter often address the viewer directly, while Singapore Sling (the name the daughter gives the detective after finding a piece of paper with a recipe for the cocktail in his pocket) does the same thing in subtitled narration ever so often. Not overtly obscene enough to be pornographic, the film’s psychosexual overtones are mostly baffling, and the editing seems completely random. There’s some great imagery here, but without a commentary or supplemental notes of some sort to help sift through the madness, the film mostly just leaves you at a loss for words.

Dead & Buried (imdb)
More creepy than horrifying, Dead & Buried has a cool story bookended by a killer opening and ending, but the film bogs down to such a snail’s pace in the middle that it almost isn’t worthwhile. When visitors to the town come up either missing or as victims of violence, the sheriff of Potter’s Bluff makes it his top priority to find out what’s going on in the seemingly hospitable small coastal town. Perhaps one of the reasons the story sags so much in the middle is because the sheriff really isn’t that well-developed as a character, and save for the mortician Dobbs, no one else in the film really is either. Dead & Buried isn’t a bad movie by any means, but at the same time there really isn’t enough to pull you in and keep your interest piqued. If nothing else, horror fans will enjoy seeing genre-vet Robert Englund in a rather low-key pre-Freddy role.

Eagle vs. Shark (imdb)
I take the populist approach to Napoleon Dynamite: it’s a great film that provides a solid mix of quirk and sentiment. What I don’t care for are the clones that followed in its wake, which is exactly what this film is. By the time the characters are at a party dressed in animal costumes having a video game tournament involving a Mortal Kombat rip-off I knew I had seen enough. The appeal of Napoleon Dynamite as a character is that no matter how ill-at-ease he was in any given situation, he had the charisma to balance out his awkwardness and give himself a sense of likability. The characters in Eagle vs Shark, at least as far as I could tell before I quit watching it, were just a couple of sad-sacks who seemed as though they deserved their lot in life. Rewatch Napoleon Dynamite instead.

Deadbeat At Dawn (imdb)
Low-budget, immature, nihilistic, and excellent in its own unique and bloody way, Deadbeat At Dawn is the rare movie with the grindhouse aesthetic that manages to do a pretty good job of living up to its promise. Goose, the leader of one of two rival gangs decides to leave the gang to live in peace with his girlfriend until he comes home to find her murdered by the rivals to his former gang. The pacing is a little slow in the beginning when there aren’t fights going on, but ho-o-ly shit do the last twenty minutes more than make up for it. The last huge fight scene—as well as several smaller ones leading up to it—is low-budget genius and rivals the excitement of a lot of blockbuster action sequences I’ve seen. Anachronistically speaking, it’s sort of a cross between an exploitation movie and a Korean action flick from the late-80’s, right down to the strange and arguably unnecessary sub and side plots. There’s a short featurette on the DVD where writer/director/star Jim Van Bebber discusses the shoot and his influences and he comes across as an extremely down-to-Earth guy who genuinely loves making movies. Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez can suck it, Van Bebber’s the real deal.

Gutterballs (imdb)
What an inexcusable pile of crap. The acting here is so bad that I can honestly say I’ve seen more convincing performances from first-year high school drama students. The story here—if you’re even generous enough to call it that—is so threadbare that it has to be padded with countless “fucks”, forced “funny” dialogue that never ceases to fall flat, and generous helpings of semi-porn that’s far more likely to make you wince than pique any sort of sexual interest. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that the director was going for heavy-handed homage here, but if you want to see a slasher homage that works, see Hatchet. The gore effects are decent enough for such a low-budget film, and the Gianni Rossi tracks on the soundtrack are alright, but ultimately it’s like putting icing on a turd. The main problem with the new wave of low-budget horror seems to be that its creators are paying homage to films and directors who really weren’t all that great to begin with. Films like this are exactly why the horror genre is so looked down upon.

Dante’s Inferno (imdb)
I’m a sucker for animation that isn’t geared towards kids, and the more off-kilter, the more my interest is piqued. This is a modern adaptation of the epic poem contained in Dante’s Divine Comedy done with mostly puppets. Charmingly low-budget and well aware of its limitations and kitsch-value, Dante’s Inferno works pretty well as a unique adaptation, but ones enjoyment of it will likely hinge on ones appreciation for the technique and bias employed. There’s a strong liberal bent to the proceedings (not that that’s a bad thing, if conservatives have displayed anything through their forays into “comedy”, it’s that the left has nothing to worry about concerning competition in the satire department), so Fox News fans and those who voted for a McCain/Palin ticket won’t find much to chuckle at, but that’s not to say they’re the only ones who will be offended. The writers also took swipes at religion (the Catholic Church in particular), corporations, and various other kinds of ’sinners’. The film’s at its best when its jests are jabs and not as heavy-handed as they can become in certain segments. It’s also probably for the best if you’re not uptight about the fact that such liberties are taken with the source text, because a faithful adaptation this is not. All things considered, it’s enjoyable if you’re in the mood for this sort of thing, but if the style puts you off, the writing probably isn’t going to redeem it for you.

Doom Generation (imdb)
I had only seen two of Gregg Araki’s later films before this one: Mysterious Skin and Smiley Face, both recent works that are pretty far removed from the sort of impression I get with what I’ve read about the works Araki cut his teeth on. Doom Generation is definitely a wilder film that revels in being a celebration of hedonistic 90’s counter-culture and almost makes you forget for a minute that the 80’s were a true heyday of subculture in comparison. The film is entirely surreal and any pretensions of it being otherwise are quickly swept away by the film’s carefree pace and swagger. The plot is basically the plight of a young couple who end up with a mysterious and not-so law-abiding drifter as they travel from motel to motel drinking, fucking, smoking, and living like it’s their last week alive with a terminal disease. There really isn’t much of a plot beyond that, and though Araki bills this in the opening as “a heterosexual movie”, there are moments when…well…not so much. Probably not Araki’s most accessible film, but it seems to be the one most people have seen, and in hindsight it does a decent enough job of dressing up the oft-maligned 90’s as having had some significant youth culture outside of self-loathing indie rock and a late-decade resurgence in unabashed mall-pop.

A larger post than usual this time around. I accidentally saved over my original review of My Bloody Valentine 3D, so the shorter rewrite will have to do…

Right At Your Door (imdb)
A tight, tense, relatively low-budget thriller, Right At Your Door pulls off perpetual dread incredibly well. While a lot of the films of the past decade that address or hint at nuclear issues and terrorism do so by use of allegory, RAYD tackles the immediate repercussions and human drama that might follow another terrorist attack. Set in Los Angeles, the film is essentially the story of a husband and wife and how they deal with being on opposite sides of a self-imposed, government-recommended quarantine in the aftermath of several dirty bombs going off and the ensuing toxic fallout. The first twenty minutes really draw you in and keep you glued to the screen, and the heavy use of quick cuts and the oft-overused “shaky-cam” that plagues action movies these days works to the film’s advantage. I have the utmost respect for any film that can manage to stay interesting with such a small cast in one setting, as this is generally a death knell for the modern attention span. The ending sort of comes out of nowhere, but despite that, the film comes highly recommended.

Zerkalo (imdb)
If this film had come from a less-respected director than Andrei Tarkovsky, I imagine it wouldn’t receive nearly so many high-marks from the legions of cinematic kiss-asses that currently hold it up as though it were some sort of masterpiece. As it stands, it’s an interesting concept with beautiful cinematography that’s far too muddled and up-its-own-ass for its own good. Every five or ten minutes you’re shown a different point in the narrator’s life, always anachronistically and lacking context. This is one of those films whose defenders will grab you by the collar and shake you about yelling “THIS IS ART!”, and while it’s inarguably art, it’s not a film that will keep your interest as it switches back and forth between different time periods and stock footage. I don’t mean to make this a sacred cow barbecue, but I honestly don’t see the point here. See Tarkovsky’s Stalker instead.

Team America: World Police (imdb)
While I’m not a rabid South Park fan, I do enjoy the show and find it one of the most reliable sources for solid, even-handed satire on television. I didn’t actively avoid seeing Team America, I just never really got around to it until now. TA:WP is every bit as indulgent and foul-mouthed as the South Park movie was, and that’s definitely a good thing, musical numbers and all. As they’ve demonstrated many times on South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone present a truly “fair and balanced” perspective, and don’t hesitate to take the piss out of extremists and attention whores on both sides of any given debate; in this case, America’s strongarm tactics with the rest of the world and Hollywood’s groan-worthy finger-wagging response to issues they mostly only pretend to care about.

My Bloody Valentine 3D (imdb)
The slasher subgenre of horror is one that I’ve always held to be over-appreciated. Outside of some of the extremely low-budget stuff, it’s always seemed to be at the forefront of attracting the lowest common denominator of moviegoers. MBV3D does little to change my long-standing prejudices, but the 3D gimmick (and it is a gimmick) works to its advantage and lifts what would otherwise be an average horror movie made for teenagers out of the muck that descriptor implies. Unfortunately Lionsgate distributed this, so chances are we’ll see any number of shitty sequels over the next decade, assuming they don’t bankrupt themselves first marketing Saw sequels and Tyler Perry movies.

John Waters: This Filthy World (imdb)
Whether shocking audiences with Pink Flamingos or playing up his twisted appeal in surreal cameos and less orthodox means of exploiting ones cult fame (A John Waters Christmas), John Waters has a very distinct charm that I would assume naturally makes him the center of attention wherever he goes. This Filthy World is a chronicle of his one-man show that’s somewhere between a stand-up comedy performance and a director’s commentary on his life and times. I’m not terribly familiar with Waters’ films to be honest, but you really only need a rudimentary knowledge of Waters for This Filthy World to be entertaining, though his charisma will likely be enough for even the completely uninitiated to eke some enjoyment out of. If you’ve ever seen a Henry Rollins spoken word concert, this is sort of the same thing, only with the generally charming Waters and not the unnecessarily egotistical Rollins.

Repo! The Genetic Opera (imdb)
I consider myself somewhat of a cinematic masochist, having endured lots of really bad Italian horror, independent “horror/comedies”, and some generally mediocre films right to the credits. I couldn’t do it with this one; it was just too awful, too cringe-inducing, and too embarrassing to ever admit to having seen in its entirety. I stopped somewhere around the 16-minute mark and promptly reinserted it into its Netflix envelope and sealed it. From what I saw, the film tried way too hard to appear edgy and weird and ended up just coming across as a forced musical made for Hot Topic shoppers.

Pineapple Express (imdb)
An above-average blend of buddy film and stoner comedy, Pineapple Express is funny in the same way that Superbad was; it’s good all the way through, but rarely will you find yourself laughing out loud. James Franco in particular was excellent in this, and plays up a particular strain of stoner stereotype incredibly well. Despite the laid-back nature of the real-life stoner, the pace in Pineapple Express is pretty busy, with new conflicts and situations presenting themselves every ten minutes or so, which both keeps the film from falling into a lull and at the same times makes it feel a little too busy for its own good. Danny McBride’s character is definitely a few notches lower than what he’s been typecast as thus far in his career, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. A good comedy, but not a great one, if you’ve enjoyed past Apatow films, you’ll probably dig this one, too.