I was a bit apprehensive about Brutal Legend despite creator Tim Schafer’s respected pedigree in the gaming world. As a fan of heavy metal I could appreciate what he was trying to do, but I was pretty sure that it would come across as either heavy-handed or pandering in execution. And, it seems worth mentioning, as a decided non-fan of Jack Black–who lends his voice to protagonist Eddie Riggs–I had another potential hurdle in the way of what enjoyment I might conceivably get from the game.

Those nit-picks were mostly a moot point, as Brutal Legend does far more right than it does wrong, and is ultimately a very enjoyable experience with the fine layer of aesthetic polish that Schafer has built his following and reputation on. The art direction and music are both very good, and I’m glad to hear that in most cases those responsible for the soundtrack dug respectably deep and didn’t go with lazy, obvious choices that a less dedicated developer might have chosen out of laziness. What we have instead is a respectable mix of new and old tracks that are both semi-popular and relatively obscure, and though there’s an occasional head-scratcher in there (KMFDM, Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson), the fact that bands like Brocas Helm, Slough Feg, Budgie, and Angel Witch made the cut is enough to let the inclusion of a few less “true” metal bands slide.

The gameplay itself is divided into a few different types. The core of the experience is a console-friendly real-time strategy game where you command an army of metal-heads in an attack on another leader’s army. You start out with a stage that serves as a base of sorts and build merch tables, which earn you fans that can be spent on new units and upgrades. Kudos to Double Fine for making console-friendly a genre best suited for PC gaming, but it’s still a little hard to control when things get hectic. When you’re not moving the plot along in these battles, you’re free to explore the world, taking on side missions, searching for relics, and earning “fire tributes” (the game’s currency) to unlock new moves for Eddie and new weapons and upgrades for his hot rod, the Druid Plow. The side missions are a mixed bag, as there are only a handful of mission types, and most of them become a chore as the game progresses. The repetition of similar missions also brings out another nitpick: there should have been a bit more recorded voice work so you’re not constantly hearing the same lines over and over. There were also quite a few instances where I became stuck thanks to driving around and becoming entangled in the scenery and had to either load my last checkpoint or try and wriggle free from parts of the scenery that should have probably been destructible in the first place. A small nitpick, but one that nonetheless detracts a bit from the experience.

Overall Brutal Legend remains a satisfying experience whose charm helps outweigh its flaws. The game is short enough that it could be beaten over a weekend if you’re dedicated, but there are enough things to hunt down and unlock in the world (which you are free to roam after beating the game) that achievement/trophy hounds will have reason to come back well after the credits roll. There’s also online multiplayer, but I didn’t give it a go.

Tyson (imdb)
I’ve wanted to see Tyson since a trailer first surfaced for it over a year ago, though now having seen it I can’t help but feel a little underwhelmed. “Tyson” may seem like a minimal title in an age where it seems like everything needs a subtitle, but it’s very appropriate considering that everything in the documentary comes straight from Mike Tyson himself, with no friends, family, or acquaintances interviewed or even heard from outside of some stock footage. I’m a little confused as to why this was released by Sony Pictures Classics, which is Sony’s prestigious banner usually reserved for foreign/arthouse-type films, while Tyson feels like an ESPN documentary with a finer layer of polish. On the subject of that polish, some of the presentation choices are a bit annoying; in particular, the idea to show 3-4 different clips at once with the sound fading from one one frame to the next feels like a film student showing off for a project, not an editing technique used in a release by a major studio.

Based on the trailers I was expecting to come out of the film with a new perspective on Tyson, but the result is largely a clarification of my previous understanding of the man: A not-so-bright but talented individual who has suffered the consequences of a series of bad decisions. Tyson definitely humanizes its subject, but a lot of times that sympathy seems to be marginalized by some of the inane things coming out of his mouth. To hear him tell it, the reason he lost most of his later fights is because he was lazy or wasn’t expecting much out of his opponent. That’s all fine and good for a time or two, but you think you’d figure out you need to prepare if you’re getting your ass beat time and again. Tyson isn’t a great documentary, but it’s a pretty good one and gives a nice timeline and background that should be interesting if you lived or grew up while he was routinely making headlines.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (imdb)
I’ve heard nothing but good things about Behind the Mask, but I can’t say I share the enthusiasm for the film. The premise of a psuedo-doc where a film crew follows a slasher inspired by Jason Voorhes, Freddy Kreuger, and Michael Myers as he prepares for his killing spree is pretty decent, and automatically lifts it above the level of dreck that typically occupies the realm of direct-to-DVD horror. Unfortunately, I’ve seen Man Bites Dog, which almost instantly nullifies anything cool that this film could have hoped to accomplish. Then again, I’m definitely not a fan of slasher movies, so if you dig ‘em, your mileage may vary drastically.

While the premise is still executed fairly well, the acting is pretty mediocre and the film fails to achieve the same level of emotional depth and sincerity that Man Bites Dog does as its film crew begins to realize how invested they are in the proceedings. The bit parts given to Robert Englund and Zelda Rubinstein serve as little more than a wink and a nudge to genre fans, as neither bring anything special to their roles outside of a bit of fan service. Taken for what it is, the film is ever-so-slightly above average, but if you only see one ‘film crew follows killer around’ film, make it Man Bites Dog, which is ultimately funnier, darker, and more entertaining.

Mirror’s Edge (along with Dead Space) represents a shift in philosophy for EA, a company long—and rightly so—dogged by accusations of resting on their laurels, content to merely update their existing franchises. Not only is Mirror’s Edge a fresh game from an unlikely publisher, it’s a first person game with a unique visual style based on parkour, which is a great idea on paper, and remains a pretty good one in execution. Unfortunately, Mirror’s Edge has a handful of shortcomings that keep it from achieving greatness.

The key failing of Mirror’s Edge is shoehorning in first person shooter gameplay where it just isn’t necessary. As the game progresses, you’ll find yourself in situations where the game turns into a frustrating third-rate FPS that only serves to frustrate and make you wonder if it’s really worthwhile to keep playing. As the game is based around parkour, it’s not as though shooting even had to enter into the equation, but it does, and detracts heavily from the experience. Like Prince of Persia: Sands of Time before it, the repetitive combat rears its head far too often and serves to belittle the key gameplay mechanics, making what is ultimately a short game drag in far too many places.

Also keeping Mirror’s Edge from greatness are the aesthetics. Visually, the main game looks great and has a nice, clean style. Unfortunately, the story is passable at best, and when it comes time to move the plot along the game switches to cartoonish cutscenes that look to be directly inspired by the oft-loathed and cheap-looking Esurance commercials. This is doubly unfortunate since the concept art you unlock shows some very talented artists were involved in the project. As such, the cutscenes are distracting and take away from the already insignificant story. And about that story: it’s a pretty vanilla affair of rescuing you sister, who has been set up for a murder she didn’t commit. That’s all fine and good, and I’m the last person to play games for stories (that’s what films and books do best, after all), but the characters are stock and uninteresting, and the plot twists aren’t very clever. On the sound front, I wasn’t enthralled with the soundtrack, which includes some rather generic electronic music, but there were some nice tracks that had a Tangerine Dream feel that I can appreciate.

The core gameplay mechanics are solid and the game is excellent when you’re able to roam the chapters finding your way around without being shot at or having to shoot back, it’s just a shame that a game so competent at its core concept felt the need to try and be more. There’s also a race mode where you try and best set times for certain paths which is pretty fun. Normally I tend to skip over non-essential extra modes like that in games, but seeing as it focuses solely on the parts of the game I felt were the best, it definitely adds replay value to the parts of the game that really work. All things considered, Mirror’s Edge remains a good game despite its flaws, though the lack of focus and some odd presentation choices knock its overall enjoyability down several notches.

Identity (imdb)
Identity is enjoyable enough, but you can’t help but feel that it’s the movie equivalent of a mass market paperback by some bestselling mystery/thriller author with a pinch of M. Night Shyamalan thrown in for spice. Perhaps the greatest strength of Identity is that they somehow made John Cusack a somewhat convincing badass, something that has never really happened before, and was made even more difficult after the mopey and vastly overrated High Fidelity. It’s not a great movie by any means, but it’s reasonably entertaining.

Crooks (imdb)
I couldn’t finish this one, but I did manage forty minutes, which is more time than I would recommend anyone ever spend with this movie. I can’t be that disappointed I guess, since I paid $1 for it on the last day of a Hollywood Video’s going-out-of-business sale a few years ago, but entertainment-wise, it wasn’t even worth that much. They put Jim Norton on the cover since he’s the closest thing to a marketable name in the movie, but his smaller-than-the-cover-would-indicate part doesn’t play up his strengths at all, wasting a comedian at his best playing an insensitive asshole on a sheepish role that isn’t even consistent. There’s a plot in there about stealing rare misprinted stamps from the post office, but between a few stupid subplots and a severe drought of anything resembling comedy, you’ll lose interest before anything starts to happen; and I’m having to guess that something happens, since nothing really did in the forty or so minutes I managed. When the most comedic thing in your movie is a quick sight gag involving a giant pile of dog shit on top of a van for a poop-scooping business, it’s probably best to start looking for ways to use your flop as a tax write-off.

Interview (imdb)
It’s hard to crap on this movie outright, but it’s equally as hard to recommend it. Interview is all about dialogue, since it’s about the titular interview, its utter failure, and its subsequent shaky return to something vaguely resembling its intended course. Steve Buscemi plays a jaded alcoholic journalist reluctantly sent to interview a TV/B-movie actress known more for her love life and fluctuating breast size than for any real talent. After the first attempt at getting the interview under way fails spectacularly, fate intervenes and the two end up at the actress’ apartment to trade stories, frustrated sexual advances, and enough lies to make a used car salesman wince. The thing about movies like Interview is that you don’t leave feeling entertained. It feels like reading an article in a magazine at the dentist’s office; just something to pass the time.

The Deer Hunter (imdb)
I’ve had this on the long-dead HD DVD format for a coon’s age, but just now got around to watching it. In a way I really regret writing anything about movies regarded as classics. It’s not that I don’t agree with their status most of the time, or that I don’t trust my own opinions, but there’s that nagging voice in the back of your head sometimes when the credits roll saying “I don’t think I enjoyed that nearly as much as everyone else must have”. That said, The Deer Hunter is a great film, and is very beautifully filmed, but man did someone have a hard-on for weddings and dances. It almost seems like the film spent as much time at the wedding as it did in Vietnam. It’s definitely a great film and a classic, but it feels like it could have been trimmed of a good 45 minutes of its runtime and come out to much the same effect and acclaim.

Hitch Hike (imdb)
Usually when a cult film is described as a “lost classic”, you can generally take that with a whole shaker of salt, since exploitation-style films are oversold by their very nature, and that trend of overhyping a mediocre product didn’t die in their translation from drive-in to DVD. Hitch Hike, however, is a very solid film that tells a very compelling and ultimately nihilistic story in a way that recalls more widely recognized classics such as Straw Dogs and Dog Day Afternoon. After picking up a hitchhiker who turns out to be a wanted felon, a husband and wife’s drive back from vacation ends up turning into a living hell with plenty of psychological torture and occasional violence coming from all angles. Franco Nero is great as usual as the husband, but David Hess really shines as the psychopathic hitchhiker, bringing the same sort of detached nonchalance to the character that Michael Rooker brought to his titular character in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. And maybe it’s just me, but by the end of the film I had flashbacks (or would that be flashforwards?) to No Country For Old Men.

Double Game (imdb)
This film can be described in four words: what a fucking mess. The old saying about too many cooks spoiling the broth is correct more often than not, and when you try to weave in a half-dozen or more meaningless subplots, you spoil what might have otherwise been a mediocre Italian cop flick. As it stands, there is nothing redemptive about the film, as even the cinematography is mundane. How anyone deemed this worthy enough for a 2-disc special edition DVD boggles the mind, especially considering Michael Mann’s masterpiece Thief can’t even get a decent, anamorphic single-disc release.

Head Trauma (imdb)
David Cross’ stunt double has nightmares about someone in a shoddy, homemade Scream costume as he squats in his late grandmother’s condemned house in a half-assed attempt to salvage it before the city brings out the wrecking ball. Head Trauma isn’t a bad movie, but it’s equally far (if not much further in spots) from greatness. If you’re familiar with Brad Anderson’s work, namely Session 9 and The Machinist, you’ll find a lot of similarities here, as Head Trauma seems to borrow heavily from both films. While there’s nothing wrong with drawing inspiration from great films, Head Trauma lacks the subtlety of Anderson’s approach. One of the most brilliant aspects of The Machinist was how the ending still retained its shock value despite the fact that it made you realize how many clues you had been shown throughout the film. Head Trauma goes more for the “new horror” approach of faceless antagonists, alternating loud noises and whispers, and lots of jumpy cuts during the nightmare sequences that comprise much of the so-called horror in the film. To be fair though, it’s got a unique look and autumnal color palette that works to its advantage, even if the narrative, acting, and execution leave a bit to be desired.

Heavy Traffic (imdb)
While I love Ralph Bakshi, I realize his films aren’t for everyone. What’s really interesting about the majority of his films, regardless of your opinion of them, is that they were even made in the first place, let alone bankrolled by a major studio. Films like Fritz the Cat and Heavy Traffic go against the still-prevalent convention that animation is by default for children, and adult enjoyment should be relegated to wink & nudge jokes that will fly over children’s heads. Heavy Traffic is a bit good deal more experimental than Fritz, combining live-action sets and sequences with animation, and the results are enjoyable if a little jumbled and incoherent at times. The plot loosely concerns the plight of a young cartoonist in New York City, the world he inhabits, and the characters with whom he is acquainted; his would-be mobster Italian father, his slutty-but-traditional Jewish mother, his black bartender ‘girlfriend’, and any number of strange but intriguing supporting characters. Heavy Traffic isn’t where I would start if I were getting into Bakshi, but it’s a great gateway drug into surreal animation without drifting into the uncharted waters into which Czech filmmaker Jan Svankmajer and his apprentices the Brothers Quay often venture.

So I haven’t updated in a few months, and all of these reviews have just been sitting on my hard drive for a few months. Anyway, an update’s an update I guess…

Observe and Report (imdb)
I’ve been a fan of Jody Hill since I first saw The Foot Fist Way, and while TFFW was rough around the edges, it was refreshing to see a film focus on a character that was such a bastard, but a bastard who is just charming and falsely confident enough to remain sympathetic. With Observe and Report, Hill focuses on a head of mall security played by Seth Rogen, a character who is even more obnoxious than Danny McBride’s Tae Kwon Do instructor, and not nearly as sympathetic (if, in fact, you likely won’t find him sympathetic at all). When a mall flasher terrorizes the mall-going populace, head of security Ronnie sees it as his chance to shine, and spends much of the rest of the runtime clashing with both the police and other employees at the mall in his quest to both nab the flasher and impress vapid makeup counter bimbo Brandi. There’s a psychosis to Ronnie’s character that wasn’t present in Fred from the Foot Fist Way, and it works well in providing a greater shock as Ronnie sinks further into violent delusions of grandeur. Stylistically this is much more polished than the admittedly low-budget Foot Fist Way, and while it isn’t the source of quotes and in-jokes that TFFW was, I would say that even as a fan of Hill’s first movie, Observe & Report is a much better film.

Timecrimes (imdb)
There’s a strong Primer influence on Timecrimes, but that’s mostly due to the fact that both are intelligent, taut thrillers that use time travel and the complications that it causes to tell a fairly simple story that unravels to become more complicated. It’s difficult to provide a synopsis for Timecrimes without giving too much away, but it’s a very satisfying film that shows great promise for director Nacho Vigalondo.

Dancing Outlaw (imdb)
Jesco White is a legendary figure, and this is the documentary that first introduced the world to the “dancing outlaw” and his way of life. It’s pretty short at just under 30 minutes, but it manages to briefly encapsulate the world of the mountain dancing, Elvis-impersonating cult figure from Boone County, as well as shedding some light on the poverty and dire straits that seem to be so common off the beaten path in Appalachia. It’s pretty clear that much of Jesco’s mind didn’t make it through all of the gasoline and lighter fluid he sniffed through his teenage years, let alone the alcohol that plagued his twenties, but that makes it all the more entertaining from the perspective of the ogler.

Dancing Outlaw II: Jesco Goes to Hollywood (imdb)
The unnecessary sequel is always a hard thing to recommend, even when it initially seems to be more of a good thing. The problem with Dancing Outlaw II is that it take an interesting character and places him in a vapid atmosphere like Hollywood, which seems more like bonus feature material rather than another documentary unto itself. This one chronicles Jesco as he goes to Hollywood to appear as a guest star on an episode of Roseanne at the request of Tom Arnold. There are a few interesting bits, particularly the scene where Tom Arnold notices Jesco’s swastika tattoo and pays for him to have it removed, but ultimately it strays too far from Jesco himself to remain anywhere near as interesting as the first film. The director doesn’t distance himself or hide behind the camera this time around, and while that’s all fine and good if need be, he’s mostly in front of the camera in brief and awkward “smile and give a thumbs-up” sorts of ways that detract from the doc. It’s worth seeing, but the first is infinitely more rewarding.

Gumby Dharma (imdb)
Art Clokey is a genius, and as a fan of his creations, I was eager to learn more about him via this recent documentary produced by one of his former assistants. While the hour-long doc won’t likely appeal to anyone who doesn’t already have a soft spot for Gumby, fans will find it entertaining and informative to learn about the hard and dark times in Clokey’s past and how he dealt with them and turned them into works that have been enjoyed by children all around the world.

Joe (imdb)
Six years before appearing in Taxi Driver, Peter Boyle played an unbalanced character similar to Travis Bickle in Joe, an odd little film that definitely feels like a product of its time. After his daughter is sent on a drug trip that lands her in the hospital, ad executive Bill Compton kills her junkie-dealer boyfriend in a brawl. While cooling down at a bar not far from the scene of the crime he encounters Joe, who apparently makes a habit of getting drunk and going off on racist, anti-counterculture diatribes. In a moment of confusion Bill ends up confessing to Joe, who contacts him later in an attempt to learn more about how such an unseeming character was able to pull off the type of crime that Joe had only thought and spoken about. What follows is an awkward but fascinating study of the relationship between two men of completely different worlds, both professionally and domestically, and how they view and deal with the counterculture they both very much hate. It’s a very interesting, if not completely great movie that is definitely unique and unsettling, topped off with a twist ending that you don’t see coming until seconds before it actually happens.

Lady Vengeance (imdb)
Lady Vengeance is a fine way to close out Chan-wook Park’s ‘revenge trilogy’, but at the same time it’s very easily the least impressive film of the trilogy, but that may be more due to the fact that Oldboy and Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance are great films that entered the scene at a time when there was a significant resurgence of interest in Asian cinema. There are shades of the previous entries, but this time around it just feels a little more routine and ‘weird for the sake of weird’ than the others.

Night of the Hunter (imdb)
I won’t argue with Night of the Hunter’s “classic” status, but I will say that it definitely peters out towards the end. After a brief and seemingly nonsensical intro, it starts out and stays fairly dour throughout the majority of its running time, but towards the end it feels like the producers shoehorned the ending from a tacky holiday movie onto the film and do a lot to undermine the vibe and message they seemed to be going for. Robert Mitchum gets most of the credit in what I’ve heard about the film for his portrayal of a corrupt holy man, and rightly so, as he’s pretty terrifying in parts. I think it’s ultimately a good movie that could have been a great one were it not for some bizarre stylistic choices and the horrible last twenty minutes. Having Mrs. Cooper speak directly to the audience obliterates the fourth wall and is sure to induce groans among those who were enjoying what was an above-average thriller. It may be a sign of the times, but outside of Mrs. Cooper, the rest of the women in the film were idiotic and/or bitchy nags who either couldn’t see through the preachers facade, much to the chagrin of the children he is after.

The Street Fighter (imdb)
First a bit of background on how I saw this: there’s a new screening room in Greenville called West End Movies, where they screen “classics” for $3 a pop, coupled with a cartoon and “topical newsreel”. I got there just as the show was about to start, meaning that unless the info concerning future screenings is what they consider a “topical newsreel”, I missed that part. The cartoon ended up being a machinima made with World of Warcraft characters dancing to the extremely-overdone “Numa Numa Dance”. I have yet to see anything considered machinima that was anything but a waste of time, and this was no different.

Sonny Chiba is probably best-known to most outside of the realm of cult cinema for his cameo in Kill Bill despite the fact that he was a pretty big star in Japanese cinema and starred in all kinds of movies of wildly varying quality. The Street Fighter is fairly nonsensial plotwise, with the story mostly existing in order to get Sonny Chiba’s character from A to B to C with a number of fights in between. What stands out the most with the film is that cartoonish level of violence, which means that bad guys don’t just die, they’ll get their skulls cracked, fall to their death and end up lying in a requisite pool of brighly-colored blood, or even get their testicles ripped off. Probably the most refreshing part of the film apart from the violence is how nihilistic it all is, as Chiba’s Terry is far from a noble protagonist. The Street Fighter isn’t a great movie, but some of the outlandish violence may have been responsible for the even more insane violence in later entertainment like The Fist of the North Star and Riki-Oh, in which case its’ inspiration may be of more importance than the film taken at face value.

Back to the technical aspects, I wasn’t very impressed with the setup at West End Movies thus far. I wondered before I went whether or not they were showing DVDs or if they had actually tracked down prints for the films they were going to be showing (unlikely, but some of these are considered public domain). The Street Fighter was presented on DVD, but the DVD they used was from VCI, who aren’t exactly known for their stellar presentations, and I’m sure a more recent (and dirt cheap) BCI grindhouse double feature disc would have looked a lot better. This is assuming, of course, that things were properly set up. The overall image on everything shown was pretty blurry and looked as though the equipment hadn’t been set up properly or they weren’t even using a component or HDMI connection. The sound was also pretty muddy. The film was plenty loud in certain parts, but the dialogue was buried and hard to make out, though that problem may originate with the DVD used for the screening.

Who Can Kill A Child? (imdb)
I’ve wanted to see this since I first heard of it shortly before the DVD release, but only recently got around to actually watching it. The film starts out with an extremely heavy-handed documentary-style introduction that focuses on war and how many children have died in then-recent conflicts. This segment is pretty pointless and serves more as a distraction than an introduction. Then we get to the meat of the story, which concerns a British couple on holiday in Spain who decide to retreat to a small, sparsely inhabited island for the duration of their stay. From the moment they land, it’s apparent that something isn’t right, and there’s no one on the island save for the occasional creepy child. It’s a pretty slow film overall, and contains pretty minimal violence, though they do play up several scenes late in the movie for maximum impact. Overall, it’s fairly dull, which is a damning charge for a so-called “killer kid” movie, though the ending somewhat redeems a very slow start. The cinematography is pretty excellent in several spots, but that’s not enough to recommend it to any but those with more than a passing interest in eurocult cinema. As an aside, the wife in the movie is almost scarier than the children. I’ve never seen someone look more like a personification of skin cancer.

The Midnight Meat Train (imdb)
Perhaps the only thing more annoying than having read the book or story a film is based on before seeing it is having read it and only half-remembering it, leading to instances of thinking this or that is going to happen or that certain aspects weren’t present in the original work, but never being sure. That’s the situation I found myself in with this one. Ultimately, Midnight Meat Train is neither good nor bad, instead dwelling in the realm of mediocrity. There’s plentiful gore, and Vinnie Jones is great as the antagonist, but the main pitfalls of most modern horror also plagues MMT, and that’s a vanilla protagonist and a tenuous love story. It’s worth a watch if you’re a fan of the director or Clive Barker, but as a decided non-fan in general of the new breed of largely made-for-teens “Lionsgate horror”, I doubt it will do much for anyone else.

Edmond (imdb)
There’s been somewhat of a trend lately for directors who cut their teeth on mostly genre fare to begin working outside the confines of what had up until that point defined their career. David Cronenberg is perhaps the most noted example of this, what with his recent fixation on crime, but Stuart Gordon makes a pretty decisive turn away from the horror films and Lovecraft adaptations he’s been known for with Edmond. The synopsis provided on the back of the case is at first frustratingly vague, but once you’ve seen the film, you realize it would be hard to say much more about the film without turning away more potential viewers than you would likely draw in. The plot centers around Edmond (William H. Macy), an businessman who has just left his wife and begins a series of horrendously unsuccessful ventures into New York City’s underworld and reaps what he sows when things quickly spiral out of control. The story explores themes of racism, fate, and the downsides of supposed civilization both subtly and with the impact of a fist to the face. Macy holds the film together with a performance that ranges from subdued to frenzied, sometimes changing from one to the other in a matter of seconds. Also appearing are a slew of Gordon’s regulars (both new and old) like George Wendt, Mena Suvari, and Jeffrey Combs, who I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t initially recognize. While I’m hesitant to say that Edmond is as good as Cronenberg’s History of Violence or Eastern Promises, it is a fascinating film that more than equals the sum of its parts.

Gumby: The Movie (imdb)
I vaguely remember liking Gumby when he made a minor comeback in the mid-90s, but what I’ve seen lately makes me appreciate Art Clokey’s ‘little clay boy’ even more. More than any other childrens character I can name, Gumby and the world he inhabits is surreal, and in such a way that it’s hard to say that the creators are even aware of the eccentricity of their creation. Gumby: The Movie (or “Gumby 1” as it’s referred to onscreen) apparently had the misfortune of coming out around the same time as Toy Story, and while the Clokey’s clay creations have endured decades and entertained millions, it seems safe to say that pretty much everyone going up against the massive might of Disney’s marketing has found themselves lingering in the shadow of the Mouse. It’s a real shame with Gumby, because it’s quirky and imaginative enough to keep even the most ADD-afflicted brat interested for its roughly 80-minute runtime. The plot sounds like some sort of LSD dream, and for all I know it may well have been. When Gumby and his band the Clayboys play, Gumby’s dog Lowbelly cries and his tears turn into pearls. When Gumby’s nemeses the Blockheads figure this out, they kidnap Lowbelly, creating a robot replica which they return to an unsuspecting Gumby. From there we get a robot replica of Gumby and his band and all sorts of weirdness that culminates in a Farm Aid-style benefit concert. It’s a very strange concoction that never goes where it’s expected to and never second-guesses itself. The music used in the film is rather odd for kid’s movie, as it’s largely comprised of the progressive guitar rock you might hear being played poorly by some nerd at Guitar Center on a Saturday afternoon, and the songs with vocals are cheesy in a “how did they let this out of the studio?” kind of way. To top it all off, at the end of the credits, the film is dedicated to Sri Sathya Sai Baba, an controversial Indian guru probably best known to the Western world for the Nag Champa incense bearing his name. It’s a wild experience that’s immensely enjoyable so long as your tolerance for strangeness is fairly high.

Rambo: First Blood Part II (imdb)
As far as sequels go in action franchises, Rambo II (as I’ll refer to it for clarity’s sake) is a pretty damn good one. One of the greatest strengths of the First Blood/Rambo series, and all great action movies in general, is that they don’t fuck around with pacing by dragging out unnecessary subplots, love interests, or melodrama. There’s a split-second where you think a romance is about to bud, but a second later it’s cut down in a hail of bullets, serving as a fuel to John Rambo’s raging inferno of vengeance. The jungle setting isn’t too far removed from the backwoods in First Blood, but the POW rescue story is sufficient enough for an action film, and as always in this series, the action scenes and over the top (sorry, second time I’ve made that joke) violence is just as satisfying. You’ve gotta love Rambo’s (Rambow’s?) explosive arrows, especially the overkill of shooting one at a single enemy. Overall an enjoyable action film that doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Rambo III (imdb)
Finally dropping the First Blood title altogether, the third film is where the series starts to sag a little, but remains an above-average action flick that is very much a product of its time and a bit in debt to its peers. The presence of the kid really didn’t serve a purpose other than justifying Trautman’s last line about he and Rambo softening up a bit, and reminded me a bit of Short Round from the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. The storyline is probably a tad more interesting in retrospect than it may have been at the time, what with America’s present tumultuous relationship with Afghanistan and the Middle East in general. As a product of the Cold War, the Soviets are cartoonish, and there are off-hand and nonsensical allusions to Lenin (a picture in the bunker) and Rasputin (a random order barked by the Soviet commander). Honestly, I’m a tad surprised they didn’t squeeze a vodka joke in there somewhere. The film is certainly action-packed, but the action sequences don’t pack quite the punch they did in the slower-paced original or the amped-up sequel, leaving you a bit detached from the proceedings a lot of the time. It’s sort of funny to see that the film was dedicated to the “gallant” people of Afghanistan right before the credits rolled, which seems more like giving the Russians the finger than commending the Afghans, more of a ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ sentiment than genuine admiration.

The Willies (imdb)
I first saw The Willies in my early teenage years during a lazy summer filled with horror movies thanks to the “5-5-5” deal (5 movies, 5 days, 5 dollars) at a local video store within walking distance from a friend’s house. The movie is essentially Tales From the Crypt for kids, but it has a darker vibe than I can remember either Are You Afraid of the Dark? or Goosebumps ever having. The acting is largely terrible, but to expect anything else from this kind of movie is pretty foolish. Those of us who grew up in the late 80s/early 90s will recognize a few faces, particular Sean “Rudy” Astin and Michael “Donkeylips” Bower, the former playing one of the tellers of the tales and the latter playing a real asshole in the last segment. The movie starts off with a few short filler stories before the title comes up and the real stories get under way. The first is the tale of a monster in the guise of a school janitor who eats bullies and other shitty kids, as well as the occasional “sourpuss” teacher. The latter tale takes up the majority of the runtime and is really pretty damn weird for kids entertainment. Gordy Belcher is a fat, friendless fuck who remains so due entirely to his own weird obsessions and behavior. An avid collector of flies who catches them and places them in relatively elaborate dioramas (flyoramas?) when he’s not mooching super-fertilizer from the local nutcase farmer or tricking other kids into eating fly-filled cookies, Gordy’s perhaps the most unsympathetic main character I can remember in entertainment made for kids, a fact that adds tremendously to the film’s eccentricity. The Willies is essentially a pure nostalgia watch that will probably only be of interest otherwise if you’re incredibly bored. There’s a short Growing Pains clip featuring Kirk Cameron in the Gordy Belcher segment that was made especially for the movie, and while this helps to further date the movie, it’s a hell of a lot more entertaining than Kirk’s last decade or so spent attempting to discredit evolution by citing how well a banana fits in the human hand.

Cocaine Cowboys (imdb)
I’ve heard nothing but raves about this one, but given the recent rash of “thugumentaries” on the market, and the questionable quality and motives of such entertainment, I was hesitant to even consider this one. Now that I’ve watched it, I’ll have to admit that it’s a pretty entertaining doc that capably captures a brief but extravagant and violent moment in time. That said, I wasn’t very impressed with how it flows. The first hour of the film is largely comprised of interviews with cocaine smugglers Jon Roberts and Mickey Munday, who made the most of a new and untapped market. This part is fascinating, as it details their operations, the technology used, and some amusing anecdotes about their experiences during a now-legendary era. After the first hour, the focus shifts to the so-called Godmother Griselda Blanco, a kingpin-esque woman known for her cruel streak and having a hand in seemingly all of the cocaine operations at the time. Jon and Mickey are still interviewed when the focus shifts, but the bulk of the interviews at this point are supplied by Rivi, an enforcer for Griselda. I guess my main bitch is that it feels like two movies worth of material, or possibly even a miniseries. It’s no surprise then, that the sequel (which I’ve mostly heard to be pretty crappy) focuses mostly on Griselda. Credit has to be given for hiring Jan Hammer to provide the score, and while the music here isn’t as memorable as the tracks he produced for for Miami Vice, it’s at the very least a well-meaning wink and nod to the knowing audience.

Puzzlehead (imdb)
A low-budget, dystopian take on the Frankenstein story with a twist, Puzzlehead isn’t a great movie, but given a soft spot for the genre, it’s a pretty good one. When Walter builds a robotic humanoid based on maps of his own brain, he has no idea that jealousy over a crush-turned-obsession will soon pit the two against each other. Walter’s main use for Puzzlehead is running errands and doing chores, but when Puzzlehead defends a sheepish grocery clerk when a customer attempts to rob her, Walter begins to covet the affection she feels for Puzzlehead as a result. The film is a little slow in parts, and there are a few quiet scenes that could have benefited from a more prominent score, but it remains a good film despite these nitpicks. I’m always impressed when a movie features a very small cast and still manages to stay interesting, and Puzzlehead is mostly a success as far as that goes, although both Walter and Julia’s background could have been fleshed out a bit more. If you’ve got the patience and an appreciation for true independent film, Puzzlehead is worth your time.

Cool Air (imdb)
H.P. Lovecraft adaptations aren’t nearly as sparse or deserving of hype as a lot of Lovecraft fans might have you believe, but the good and worthy adaptations are few and far between. There has been quite a resurgence of interest lately thanks mostly to Lurker Films and the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, whose The Call of Cthulhu is both a worthy adaptation and an homage to the silent film era that Lovecraft himself would have been familiar with. Cool Air doesn’t seem to be one of Lovecraft’s better-known works, largely because it doesn’t contain much in the way of references to his beloved mythos, but it’s still a strong and creepy story and film. The story centers around a young writer (who we’re not so subtly led to believe is Lovecraft himself) and his relationship with the mysterious doctor upstairs, who always keeps his room at a nice, chilly temperature, hence the title. While much of Lovecraft’s work is rooted in a sense of wonder and a reverence for the unknown, Cool Air is actually pretty life-affirming for a horror piece. The production values and acting are very good for a low-budget film, and the featurette on the making of the film is both informative and interesting.

Castle of Cagliostro (imdb)
I remember first coming across Lupin III back when Adult Swim was still fairly new. I wasn’t hooked on the series, but I thought it was pretty charming and always watched it if I ran across it flipping channels. It was a short while later that I saw my first few Hayao Miyazaki films (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and The Castle in the Sky), and a short while later still that I discovered that the paths of Lupin and Miyazaki had crossed and resulted in a feature film considered to be a classic anime film. The Castle of Cagliostro is a great film that combines the smart-alec and savvy cool of Lupin’s world with the fantastical whimsy of Miyazaki, as Lupin attempts to rescue a mysterious princess from an unwanted marriage at the hands of a counterfeiting count. If you’ve enjoyed Lupin’s adventures before, this is a fine continuation, but even if you’ve never experienced the hijinks of the world’s greatest thief, this is as good a place to start as any.

First Blood (imdb)
I’ve seen bits and pieces of the Rambo movies, but I’ve never sat down and watched one from start to finish, so this marks my attempt to watch the whole shebang. First Blood is a damn good action film by any standards, and stands tall as one of the highlights of the 80’s action boom that made household names out of several musclebound actors who really aren’t all that great as actors. That’s easily the biggest downfall of First Blood: Sylvester Stallone has no emotional depth as an actor unless he’s just had the shit beat out of him and/or beat the shit out of someone else to the point that his mush-mouthed warble can pass as a display of emotion. Easily the worst scene of First Blood is Stallone’s breakdown at the end, which is more likely to inspire a sigh than sympathy. But that aside, the action sequences are excellent and the story is appropriately “over the top”, making it a great experience for action fans. There’s an incredibly lame DVD feature that lets you view certain scenes through some sort of glorified “Rambo-vision” that completely and totally sucks. An overlay props up and gives you computer-readout types of information on distances, potential dangers, and enemies. It’s incredibly retarded on its own, but when you imagine that the folks who developed this patent-pending claptrap were actually able to convince Lionsgate that it was good enough to include on the DVD release, it becomes mind-bogglingly absurd.

Super Inframan (imdb)
I’m a total sucker for so-called “tokusatsu” or Japanese “special effects” series (Ultraman in particular) and related kaiju entertainment, and have more than a passing interest in kung-fu, so combining the two in a brightly-colored, fight-filled 90-minute movie feels like Saturday morning all over again. When alien invaders attempt to take over Earth, it’s up to Rayma to undergo a transformation into Super Inframan in order to save the day and kick lots of alien ass doing it. The story is essentially your average tokusatsu plotline stretched to the 90-minute mark, but that’s not a bad thing, since there are always new and reasonably interesting monsters showing up to get the hell beat out of them. If you’re not smiling when Super Inframan flies across the screen to delier a “Lethal Kick”, then you’re taking life too seriously. The English dub on the DVD is mono and pretty unimpressive, though I did pick out one choice nugget of dialogue as having been sampled by the camp-influenced space/surf band Man or Astro-Man. Altogether a highly entertaining movie if you’re at all interested in the genre.

The Trials of Henry Kissinger (imdb)
I had no idea this was coming from Netflix, as they’ve been in the bad habit of skipping the first few films in my queue lately (not even high-demand new release stuff) in order to send me irrelevant stuff that’s been lingering in my queue for the two years I’ve been a subscriber. This documentary is based on a book by Christopher Hitchens, and is a pretty dry experience unless you’ve got a hard-on for history. It does present its case backed up with enough facts to lend credence to the damning accusations thrown against a man who has enjoyed a ridiculously large amount of power and celebrity despite some very murky ethics, morals, and justifications for his actions.

Dear Zachary (imdb)
A lot has been written about Dear Zachary, an independent documentary with a slightly unusual means of production, a shocking and heart-wrenching twist, and a bloodied but unbowed finale. Some have said it was snubbed for an Oscar while others claim it’s production values are amateurish and sloppy. I don’t care about Oscars, but even if it is arguably a little rough around the edges in terms of its presentation, the story it tells will hold your attention right to the credits and will probably elicit an emotional response. It’s hard to know what to say about it without spoiling it, so I’m saying as little as possible except that if you’re the crying type, you’ll probably want some tissue.

McCabe & Mrs. Miller (imdb)
Billed as an “anti-Western”, you’d be hard-pressed to argue with that brief but highly accurate descriptor. The film has the nihilistic vibe that runs through a lot of spaghetti Westerns, but when it comes down to it, McCabe isn’t the tough guy he pretends to be, coasting more on charm than machismo. Much has been written about the subtleties used to upend Western conventions, and nearly every example (my favorite being the kid vs. the cowboy on the bridge) works well to that end. The small town built for the film is fantastic, and according to an included documentary it was functional to the point of serving as housing for some of the crew. McCabe & Mrs. Miller is a great film that consistently entertains and never stutters in its pacing.

Don’t Go In the House (imdb)
This is a pretty straight-forward horror movie that borrows a lot from its peers. Unfortunately, it also borrows the slow pacing of a lot of forgotten grindhouse fare, making it feel a bit longer than its 82-minute runtime. The plot’s main reference point seems to have been Psycho, as the killer takes women home and incinerates them as a means of dealing with the voices he hears as the result of his maniacal mother, who he conveniently finds dead at the beginning of the film. It’s a pretty poor premise that ultimately works a little better than you might expect, but unless you’re a horror fan with some time to kill, you might as well see something else.

Baraka (imdb)
Baraka is without a doubt the finest-looking Blu-ray I have ever seen, and it’s going to take one hell of a film to dethrone it. The spiritual successor to Koyaanisqatsi (which I haven’t seen), Baraka is pure, quasi-meditational eye and ear candy that captivates from start to finish despite having no narrative. On paper it sounds rather boring to watch a series of images set to even the most epic soundtrack for an hour and a half, but Baraka disproves that notion with ease. Why electronics stores around the country are showing half-assed demo loops and CG kiddie fare and not Baraka as a demo to sell Blu-ray players and HDTVs is beyond me.

The Road Warrior (imdb)
I don’t remember a lot about Mad Max, despite having only seen it for the first time a couple months ago. I remember thinking it was a decent enough movie, just that it was a bit stronger in concept than it was in execution. This is definitely not the case with the Road Warrior. Very rarely to films come along with such an original look come along that they influence nearly everything in their wake, and like Blade Runner, The Road Warrior is a visual watermark in its genre. But let’s not short-change the story, which represents one of the few times I can remember where a sequel severely outclasses its predecessor. I’ve had a post-apocalyptic story brewing in my head for the past year or so, and there were a few times while watching The Road Warrior that I had to sigh as I realized certain aspects had been claimed or I saw new ones that were brilliant to the point that it’s a wonder they hadn’t been copied more than they already have. This one got my attention and I suspect that a rewatch or two will have this one working its way into the list of my favorite films.

Basket Case (imdb)
Having previously seen director Frank Henenlotter’s Frankenhooker, I sort of knew what to expect going into Basket Case, the film that put him on the map as a B-movie maven. Even when Basket Case is rough around the edges or features some bad acting, it’s excusable because it’s got that genuine low-budget soul so sorely lacking in the era of straight-to-DVD horror and B-movies with no aspirations of even trying to entertain their audience. The effects and gore are good and plentiful, and the stop-motion animation used briefly in a few scenes is always a welcome addition. Fabulously low-brow without falling into the trap of being junk (as so many self-aware B-movies do), Basket Case is a great way to give your brain cells a break and your inner 13-year-old a release.

The Planet of the Apes (imdb) & Beneath the Planet of the Apes (imdb)
I borrowed the Planet of the Apes box set with the intention of watching at least the first film in the franchise. So far I’ve watched the first and second films in the series, a series I’m guessing went on way longer than anyone ever expected it to. The first film is a classic that satisfies both on a the science fiction front, and as a parable about man’s inhumanity and the debate between religion and science. In the latter sense, I’m a tad surprised it wasn’t a bit more controversial, even though the last ten minutes sort of come to a consensus between faith and reason, even if that consensus is as flimsy as Pascal’s Wager.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes is alright, but you can’t help but feel that it’s ultimately little more than a cash run meant to milk the success and acclaim of the original film. You know you’re in for a rocky sequel when they reshow clips from the original film to open things up, but the film actually doesn’t fall apart until the protagonists arrive underground. Once underground, there’s a religious cult that worships a WMD, psychic powers, and one of the sorriest fight scenes I’ve ever witnessed in a big-budget movie. The underground cult plot is way stranger than it needs to be, and not in a good David Cronenberg kind of way. Even without having witnessed the rest of the sequels so far (and the trailer for Escape From the Planet of the Apes looks terrible!), it seems like the writers and producers were far more concerned with quantity than they were with quality.

It’s been a while, so there are more reviews than usual this time around. I also rewatched High Noon and Akira (Blu-ray), but I didn’t write reviews for those. Anyway…

The Invincible Armour (imdb)
One of the better overlooked kung-fu films of the late 70’s, Invincible Armour stands out for several reasons, not the least of which is its inclusion of not one, but two of the stock evil white-haired baddies. The fights are frequent, over-the-top, and imaginative as fight scenes in a movie like this need to be. The movie’s main fault lies in a story that’s a bit more complex than it needs to be, which means that a time or two you’ll get some of the secondary characters confused, particularly the aforementioned white-haired guys. All things considered, if you dig kung-fu movies you’ll have a good time with this one.

The One-Armed Swordsman (imdb)
Like the 36th Chamber of Shaolin, The One-Armed Swordsman stands tall as one of the undisputable classics of the kung-fu genre. Avoiding the sort of camp that later films like Crippled Masters would exploit, OAS takes itself seriously and never plays up its protagonists’ handicap for laughs. After his swordsman father is killed defending his master, the master takes in the newly orphaned Fang Gang and teaches him the ways of kung-fu and swordsmanship. When a set-up by some of Fang’s jealous peers goes awry, Fang finds himself with only one arm, he flees and must relearn how to defend himself. Essentially a story of loyalty and overcoming adversity, the film unfolds at a slower pace than many of its peers, but isn’t any worse for doing so. Beautiful sets, a good story, and plenty of elaborate fight sequences help solidify the film’s place in the kung-fu canon.

Opium & the Kung-Fu Master (imdb)
Who spilled their D.A.R.E. film in my kung-fu flick? While it may not be the best film in the Shaw Bros. canon, Opium is decent enough to carry what might otherwise be a burden in the form of a melodramatic anti-drug message. A drug-addicted kung-fu master must battle his addiction to opium before he can stand a chance of avenging his fallen student and friend’s daughter, who coincidentally were killed by an up-and-coming thug who has just taken over the local opium den. Decided non-fans of kung-fu films probably won’t dig it, but it’s a fairly safe bet for even casual fans.

Deep Red (imdb)
Dario Argento is one of the most beloved horror directors of all-time, but like fellow Italian horror director Lucio Fulci, his works vary in quality from camp to classic and any shade between. Thankfully, Deep Red is more akin to Suspiria (classic) than Inferno (camp…at best). After an American pianist witnesses a murder and becomes a suspect, he searches for clues to unearth the identity of the killer. Like the rest of what I’ve seen from Argento, this one isn’t afraid to dawdle and take its time, but that’s not to say that it gets overly boring like some Euro horror is inclined to do. The ending is pretty cool, even if it does take a page from the Lucio Fulci book, particularly the chapter dealing with over-the-top violence where it’s unnecessary.

Religulous (imdb)
Even as an ordained professor of bad puns, Religulous is a pretty shitty title. With that out of the way, the movie has its parts, but like Jesus Camp before it, it just seems like it could have accomplished so much more. Where Jesus Camp refused to condone the ignorance and child brainwashing it chronicled, Religulous has Bill Maher lining up to shoot fish in a barrel for the most part. As an Agnostic, I’m no fan of religion and like Maher feel that it largely has a detrimental impact on modern society. In the interviews and segments that Religulous is at its most effective, it’s pointing out the essential logical disconnects that have to be in place for faith to exist, even among otherwise very intelligent and rational people. A good bit of the runtime, however, is spent on exploitative and scummy evangelists, attention-seekers, and other no-goodniks, and while they have become key figures in religion, they’re not the best targets to go after if you’re looking to cripple or cast doubt on the common man’s faith. Ultimately, Religulous rests firmly in purgatory, as it’s neither the scathing attack on populist faith it could have been nor a noble failure. One other thing: is it just me or did the guy being interviewed in the gift store with the extremely low criteria for miracles remind anyone else of sidekick Mike from American Movie?

Visitor Q (imdb)
Well, the race for the worst movie I’ve seen all year has attracted another contender. I’ve long suspected Takashi Miike to be one of the most overrated directors to attract a cult following, and this does nothing to dismantle that prejudice. Supposedly Visitor Q is a satire on reality television, but in reality it seems like Japanese John Waters (minus the charm) three decades after the fact. There’s incest, necrophilia, scat, abuse, and lactation galore, but what isn’t present is a reason to watch this movie. The boards at IMDB are full of idiots (no surprise there!) claiming this is a metaphor for that and so forth, all in some desperate and pretentious scramble to attach meaning to a shock show. I’m not buying it, Miike sucks.